Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Zoe's Birth Story Pt2

When you have a newborn, everyone tells you how much they sleep and to try to nap when the baby is napping. Ha, that's funny. Zoe does not like to sleep and I spend about an hour or so trying to get her down, as such, I haven't had time to type the second part of her birth story.

I left off as I was being wheeled into the OR for a non emergency nor planned C-Section. At this point in time I was completely exhausted. I don't know if I had ever felt so exhausted in my life. It was the hardest struggle to keep my eyes open, but I was doing everything I could to keep them open because there was no way I was going to be asleep for the birth of my own child. The anesthesiologist came in and upped my epidural meds. As he was doing so, he told me I would be feeling a lot of pressure once they take the baby out, but he would warn me before that happened. My husband was able to sit next to me in the OR. I don't really remember what we were talking about or really even what I was thinking during this process, because I was so tired.

It was such a strange feeling, not feeling anything but them moving me around every now and then. I kept trying to wiggle my toes but they weren't responding. It's not a feeling I like. I hate feeling so vulnerable and not in control. The anesthesiologist leaned down and told me I would start feeling the pressure now. I looked up at him asked if they'd already cut me open. He laughed and said they had...trippy, again didn't feel a thing (I know that's the point of anesthesia, but still). All of a sudden, I heard a faint cry. I turned to husband and said, oh my gosh, I can hear her crying. With tears in his own eyes, he said, I know me too! The tears in husbands eyes, were awesome to see, I don't think I've ever seen him cry.  Once they took her out, my husband got to walk over and watch them clean her off and take Apgar score readings. Since there was a giant hanging sheet in my way, I couldn't see a thing. It seemed to take forever to get her cleaned up. They finally brought her over to me and I got a look at her for the first time.

Honestly, it didn't even feel real! People say that the moment they saw there baby, there whole world changed. I'm not going to lie, I didn't instantly bond with my baby, It took weeks because it even felt real or like I had actually become a mother, but more on that in another post.

Zoe's birth stats are as follows: 
Born at 11:50pm on April 27, 2017
7lbs 15oz (she pooped right when she came out, and the nurse swears she would have been 8lbs had she not)
19.5 inches long

So that's it. That is how I became a mom! Now, sit back and enjoy some pictures.

In case you missed it, you can read part 1 here

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Zoe's Birth Story Pt 1

First, Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and future others out there. .What better way to celebrate, by posting the story about how I became a mother.

Holy criminy!!!! I'm a mom!!! It's been a little over 2 weeks and I am still trying to wrap my head around that thought. I can't believe it, all of the past nine months have culminated and I am finally holding Zoe in my arms. After I went to the hospital a few weeks ago because I was having contractions, I kept praying that my water would break so this time they couldn't send me home. did, which is he beginning of Zoe's birth story.

On April, 27, 2017 (Zoe's due date) I was at work just having got back from Whole Foods to get some lunch. I was maybe 10 minutes into eating lunch at my desk, when I felt something (which I thought was just discharge), but I noticed it seemed like more than before, so I stood up to go to the bathroom to check it out. As soon as I stood, it  started to trickle down my leg. I high tailed it to the bathroom and it really started coming down. I tried to stop the flow by clenching every muscle that I could think of, and I finally realized, that my water had broken. I sat on the toilet for about 3-4 minutes into the flow started to slow down. I knew I had to get to my phone at my desk to call my husband. I made a makeshift pad using the worlds largest wad of toilet paper. I stood up and it seemed to be holding. I made my was out of the bathroom, but as soon as I was out of the doors, it started flowing like crazy again. One of coworkers was standing right outside of the bathroom and as I turned to run back in she asked me if everything was ok. I told her that I thought my water had just broken and I ran back into a stall.

Within 2 minutes most of the ladies on the second floor entered the bathroom, asking me if I was alright, handing me diapers (newborn diapers to be exact) to help absorb everything. One of my co-workers brought my phone and I made the call to Max. Even though, I've spent the last 9 months complaining about how I can't wait to go into labor so I don't have to be pregnant anymore, I started to freak out This was really happening.

I had to make my way downstairs to meet my husband. I put about 4 diapers down on my underwear like a pad and one of my co-workers handed me a towel. They originally tried to wheel me out on my office chair, but me being super proud wasn't having any of that. I took the elevator down. The contractions started right about the time I hit the first floor.

By the time we made it to the hospital, the contractions were in full swing. I got checked in and the nurse checked me and said I was 6cm dilated. I was actually surprised that it was that much and I started to get a little afraid that I wouldn't be getting an epidural because the anesthesiologist on call was in surgery and would be out for at least an hour. From the time I arrived until about an hour before birth, I started getting the shivers crazy bad. I don't think I've ever shaken so hard. The nurse told me it was from all the hormones and adrenaline. She took my temperature and I had a 102.8 fever. She kept asking me if I felt sick at all and I told her I didn't.

It was about 2ish hours before the anesthesiologist was able to come in. I'm glad we took that baby preparedness class and I learned breathing techniques, because I needed them. At the time he came in I was 8cm dilated. The epidural went pretty easy and I only felt a small pinch when it was being inserted. The hardest part of it was having contractions while he was administering it and have to keep completely still. Luckily my husband was right there helping me out.

After the epidural kicked in, it was pretty easy breezy. I could feel the intense pressure..ahem...down there, but that was about it. The on call doctor (mine wasn't available) and nurses kept coming in to check on me and the baby. They started to get worried because every time I had a contraction, Zoe's heart rate would decrease. They started talking about a c-section as pushing could exacerbate the problem. A c-section was the last thing I wanted, but the doctor kept insisting. They watched me for another 2 hours or so and the doctor decided to make the call. He said that I had already been in labor for 10 hours and I was probably looking at another 2-3 hours of pushing (which I was fine with). He said he just wanted to get her out. I honestly felt pressured and kind of bullied into getting a c-section, but I consented because I would have felt awful if pushing did make it worse and something happened to Zoe. I signed all of the consent forms and was wheeled into an OR for a non-emergency c-section...

To be continued...

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

5 Stages of Grief Applied to the Final Weeks of Pregnancy

I'm sure at some point you've taken a psychology class and learned about the 5 stages of grief: 

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

As I've stated in a lot of my previous posts , I have not had what I consider an "easy" pregnancy. In fact I've downright hated being pregnant. Usually these stages are usually applied to losing a loved one. However, I have found them applicable to my final weeks of pregnancy. Mostly regarding my due date and when I would finally give birth.

  1. Denial: After hearing from my doctor a few weeks ago that I would likely not make it the full 40 weeks, I believed her wholeheartedly. Anytime anyone would tell me that statistically, first time mothers tend to go over 40 weeks with their first. I childishly told them, that I was not just another statistic, I would not even make it to 40 weeks, my doctor told me so. I refused to make any appointments or plans (starting at week 36) because I just knew I was going to go into labor at any moment.
  2. Anger: I actually feel like the next 3 stages, anger bargaining, and depression where slightly muddled together. I definitely felt each one, but one day, I was angry the next depressed, halfway through that same day I was bargaining. I was angry because I each subsequent appointment I went to since being told I probably wouldn't make it to 40 weeks, there was little to no progress. In fact each time I went, it was looking like more and more that I could possibly be a first time mother statistic. I was angry at my doctor for getting my hopes up, I was angry at my body for not doing what it was supposed to do, and I was angry at my unborn child for being so stubborn.
  3. Bargaining: Around 37 and a half weeks, I started Googling ways to naturally induce labor. I bounced on a yoga ball all night, ate an entire pineapple in one sitting, took castor oil (not recommended), ate eggplant parmesan (don't you love all of these random old wives tales about inducting pregnancy), going on long walks, climbing stairs, and doing squats every night. I begged my body and prayed every night that if I could just give birth I promise I would be happier and stop complaining about everything in my life so much. I promised that I would never complain about another body ailment again.
  4. Depression: After about a full week of trying these remedies (most of them daily), I realized it wasn't working. I honestly did fall into a state of depression. I swore I would never give birth, that I would be miserable for the rest of my life. I kept thinking I was being punished for something because I hadn't given birth (dramatic I know). I felt like everyone else who was due in April (and some who were due in May) were already given birth and here I was still pregnant. I developed major babyitis (think senioritis when you were in school) and didn't care about anything at work. In fact every time some came up to me with an issue that needed to be solved, I just got annoyed because their petty little problem had nothing on the way I was feeling.
  5. Acceptance: Finally, I am at the final stage, acceptance. This past weekend it really hit me about how immature, selfish, and ridiculous I was being regarding my due date and giving birth. I had tried nearly every natural labor inducing remedy (that I considered safe for me and my baby) I could find and I was still pregnant. Clearly, she is not done baking and needs more time. I know that I wont be pregnant for ever. Even if I go past my due date (which is this Friday 4/28/2017) I will likely only be pregnant for 2 weeks longer because then my doctor said she would induce. I've realized that Zoe will come when she is ready and there is nothing I can do to make her come earlier. And believe it or not, I actually feel peace at this thought.
I am super excited to meet our little girl soon and I honestly do think as long as she is healthy and happy, that is all that matters. I feel stupid that I spent all that time in the stages of grief when I wasn't even close to my due date yet. I wasted a lot of time pouting when I could have been enjoying my last few weeks not adhering to anyone's schedule but my own. One of my biggest fears at becoming a mom, was my own selfishness. I consider myself to be pretty selfish, I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I have to admit, pregnancy has taught me a lot about preparing for what is to come. What it will be like to put someone before myself. I am really excited about this growth and look forward to how much more I will grow once I have Zoebot in my arms!

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Pregnancy Update: Weeks 36 & 37

Well, it's been quite an interesting few weeks for me. This week (week 38 has been even more interesting) but alas this is a recap of the 2 previous weeks. I am now at weekly doctors visits, and for the last 2 visits I have been 1cm dilated and 50% effacement. My doctor told me at my visit 2 weeks ago, that she didn't think I would make it to 40 weeks, which made me really happy, but then after last weeks appointment with no progress, I got a little discouraged. I know she will come when she's ready, but dangitall, we're ready and the waiting game is crazy. I have been less and less active as the weeks tick by. It's getting harder and more uncomfortable to move around. I started doing nightly squats and sitting/bouncing on a yoga ball. I heard these things can help get Zobot into the correct position and possible help for an easier labor.

Most recent bump pic. 

I don't really have much more to say, thanks to the fact that I am writing this post 2 weeks later and honestly can't remember much of what happened (not necessarily because of pregnancy brain, I'm just forgetful). I stopped wearing my fitbit because of the lovely rash that has taken residence all over my body because of pregnancy, so I don't have a detailed account of what I did each day as far as staying active. I know if week 36 I was active maybe 4 out of 7 days and last week I was active even less. As I mentioned earlier, it's getting harder to lug this bump around. I still haven't really experienced any swelling at all which I am thankful for and still no major heartburn. Besides just being large and in charge, my only other real discomfort is the rash. It itches all over my body, except for my stomach where it burns. It's worse when I put/get anything on it (including water). I starting rubbing Vaseline on my belly and it seems to help a bit.

That's all I have for now.
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